Don’t worry, be happy.
It’s a catchy song but truly ghastly advice.
Worry is a thief that steals our joy and replaces it with anxiety and fear. It's a thief that whispers lies in our ears, convincing us that we're not good enough, that we're not capable, and that we're not worthy of happiness.
For some people, worry is a choice - a choice to focus on the what-ifs and the maybes, rather than the present moment. When they choose to let go of worry and focus on the present, they open themselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities. They can learn to live in the present, to trust in themselves and in the universe, and to find peace and contentment even in the midst of uncertainty.
But for a lot of us, it’s not something we can switch off. I once spoke to my therapist about how I found it ridiculous that I couldn’t control what I was thinking. That my thoughts that my brain were creating were causing such a reaction. It felt like I was lighting a match then being shocked at the flame.
“Do you have to think about making your heart beat? No, it just works. Like your brain, it’s an organ that works on it’s own without your input.”
And, quite frankly, I was caught in the middle of a railroad track. I was thunderstruck. (Amused myself there.)
So much of being alive is autonomic and involuntary, so thinking I can control the very thing that makes everything work seems a bit ludicrous. What a silly billy. Our brains are wired to think constantly, and it's hard to completely shut off the stream of consciousness. Additionally, our thoughts are often driven by emotions, habits, and past experiences, which can make them feel like they're in control of us rather than the other way around. Sometimes you’ll get a reminder of something or someone and it’ll feel like your heart dropped a boulder of nervous energy in your stomach. It’s a physical, guttural feeling.
That being said, there are techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and cognitive-behavioral therapy that can help you develop greater awareness and control over your thoughts. By acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, rather than trying to suppress or judge them, you may find it easier to manage their influence on your emotions and behavior.
Therapy as often as I can afford it (the NHS simply do not have the resources to deal with my shit) and a big delicious daily dose of Fluoxetine has helped me. Different things work for different people, and there’s never going to be a moment when someone says “right, you’re better!” so it’s just going to be an ongoing thing.
Just remember, you’re probably trying your best. And if not, you’re still trying. Give yourself a break and let yourself think the weird stuff. And if anyone ever tells you “stop worrying about it!” then you’re legally and morally allowed to punch them in the throat.
